Travel
by DeadlyDevotion
Summary: Syaoran tells Sakura he's leaving Clow Country to start traveling. He expects her to be upset, instead she's thrilled. Is it possible that his affection for her isn't shared? R!Syaoran x R!Sakura.


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_I actually wanted to write a story about "Syaoran" and his struggle with wanting to kill Fei Wong, or his struggle with living a lie at "Sakura"'s side so she wouldn't know about the seal, but I didn't like any of those parts. Originally it was five sections but this is the only one I liked.  
_

_"Sakura" seemed a lot more comfortable with "Syaoran" traveling than the Sakura from chapter one and so I wanted to give a reason here. Just because she didn't say "I'm lonely when you're gone," doesn't mean she doesn't care for her Syaoran like the other Sakura does, or just because she doesn't jump out and hug him doesn't mean that she's any less lonely when he's away. She just trusts him completely and so there's nothing to be sad about_.

x

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Because it was now high noon the sun was streaming down in vibrant beams through the garden forestry. Each time Sakura was lit up by one of the streams of light it would transform her into something positively angelic. The only thing that tainted the vision of purity was the black wings across her chest that morphed her into a grotesque, living embodiment of Syaoran's failure.

Even now, watching Sakura's lighthearted smiles, Syaoran realized that he could no longer look at her without being both content and utterly miserable. All too quickly her bright green eyes and pretty face became tarnished by the expanding Seal of Death. Syaoran immediately diverted his gaze.

"Traveling?" Sakura looked up from the crown she was working on. "Where? Back home?"

"No. In this world…" Syaoran said evasively. He fiddled with one of the already made crowns between his fingers, not looking at her. "I want to explore. Find new things….that I don't know yet. I'll come back after a few months."

"That sounds wonderful! I would love to travel but because mother and father have so much to do here, we rarely go anywhere." Sakura nudged him. "Hey, maybe someday me and you can travel together! Wouldn't that be great?!"

"Yeah…"

"You don't want to travel with me?"

"No. That's not it. I hope that we can someday."

"Yay!" Sakura reached forward and put a fourth crown on his head. "I can't wait for that day! Just me and you, traveling the world! It'll be so much fun! And the best part is we won't allow Oni-chan to go with us so there will be no disapproving faces. Even if there was, I would stop him. We won't let anyone ruin our happiness, right Syaoran?"

"No one," he agreed, more darkly than he expected.

"Even though you're going to explore all these things, you don't sound very happy. You haven't smiled since you came to sit with me. And you haven't looked at me since either. Do I look bad today?"

"You never look bad," he insisted. "It's just…--I want to travel but…"

"But?"

"Sakura…"

"Hmm?"

"…you're not….you're not upset that I'm leaving?"

"No. Why would I be?"

That hurt a little more than Syaoran wanted it to. He had actually thought Sakura would be devastated that he was leaving and so to have zero reaction other than "that's great!" was a little disheartening. Syaoran should be glad that he wouldn't be upsetting her by his absence. He should have been thrilled that him not being there wouldn't stop her from being happy. He could easily look for information without worrying about her missing him, but…

But Syaoran couldn't deny that he wanted to be missed. It was a horrible thing to want, wasn't it? Wishing for the misery of another. Even though he was hesitant of leaving on the grounds that he couldn't protect her and look for a cure at the same time, he also didn't want to leave because he loved being with Sakura. Even if he could barely look at her because of the seal. Even if every moment they were together he was angry and frustrated and miserable because of his failure.

Sakura was both the best and the worst thing that had ever happened to him. She was the reason he was in constant suffering, the reason he left his parents and his home, but she was also the only thing in the world that could effortlessly make him smile, that filled him with true happiness and gave him a light heart. He loved being near Sakura. He loved Sakura being with him.

Even with the pain, Syaoran wanted to be with Sakura. Always.

Which was why her disinterest in his absence was more than agonizing. It was like a sword through an already wounded heart.

"You'll be doing something that make you happy, right? I couldn't possibly be upset about you being happy!"

Happy. Finding information to save her would make him happy, but not in the way Sakura assumed.

"I would be very happy to find what I'm looking for," Syaoran agreed.

"See! I couldn't possibly be upset about that!"

"You couldn't possibly be upset," Syaoran repeated gloomily.

"Maybe when you first said you were leaving I was….no, I definitely was. But then you said 'Ill be back in a few months' so I wasn't sad anymore."

"Huh?"

"I trust you so I know that I'll see you again. That's all I need to be happy." Syaoran blushed darkly as Sakura settled herself against his side. "As long as we're together sometime, anytime, there's nothing to ever be upset about!"

Syaoran finally smiled. He dropped the crown he had been breaking and took up her hands in his instead, pulling them to his chest. "Thank you."

Sakura blushed and nervously looked between his face and their hands. "Huh? For what?!"

"You're right. As long as there is a way we can be together, there's nothing to be miserable about."

"Miserable," Sakura breathed, blushing worse. "You were really that sad about leaving?"

"How else can I protect you if I'm away?" Sakura giggled a little as Syaoran linked both their pinkies together. "It's our promise, isn't it?"

"...yes," she whispered, smiling.

_Why would anyone want to kill such a beautiful person?_ Syaoran wondered as Sakura softly kissed his cheek.

_What could someone possibly gain with a slow but definite death?_ he questioned as he drew Sakura into a crushing embrace.

Whoever that man was wanted something that only Sakura's death could bring about….but what could that be other than Syaoran's broken heart?

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End file.
